conjure_lass: (Bleach: Ura Pimpin' Hat)
[personal profile] conjure_lass
Author: Conjure Lass!
Title: High Tech Underwear
Rating: R
Pairing: Uraichi
Warnings: Mentions of sex, cussing, some nudity and groping, semi-crack fic.
Summary: In which Kisuke gives Ichigo a pair of Underwear he cannot possibly refuse.
Author's Notes: This one is for YOU [ profile] 2metaldog who gave me this idea about an hour ago. This is just a drabble (an 800 word drabble) so don't be expecting perfection...but it IS funny. And as always, the rest of my fictions can be found here at my fiction index. Hope you enjoy!

Twenty minutes…twenty minutes he’d been attempting to get these damn underwear off his ass and he had yet to succeed. It wasn’t as though they were glued to his body; he could easily open the flap or pull them down to go to the bathroom. No, the problem came when he attempted to take them off all together, finding it impossible to get them past his knees before a strange electric shock rocketed through his spine and the damn things pulled themselves back up!


Ichigo really should have known better than to trust any gift that he received from his far older and far more insane lover…it wasn’t as though these sorts of happenings were something new. From the cameras Kisuke had installed in Ichigo’s bed frame to the seemingly innocent copper bracelet that indicated when Ichigo’s body temperature was spiking, his boyfriend was always doing something obnoxious that impeded on Ichigo’s privacy. Granted, it had been pretty fun to put on an exhibitionist show for Kisuke when he realized the cameras were there, but that was really beside the point. The point was that Kisuke was a paranoid freak, and was constantly worried that someone was going to take advantage of “his beloved Ichigo” when he wasn’t around. The point was that if Ichigo didn’t get these things off his body in the next two minutes he was going to run straight over to the Shoten and slaughter the blonde where he stood. Love or no love. You shouldn’t fuck with a man’s underwear.

But back to the problem at hand…the underpants from hell. He tugged on them again, unable to make them budge, growling low in his throat as he stood there in the middle of his room practically naked. Why? Why couldn’t he have fallen in love with someone else? Was it fate playing a cruel joke on him? Why?! And yet, even though he was stranded in his underwear, unable to change, he still couldn’t find it in himself to hate the damn man. Because Ichigo knew, deep down, that this was mostly just Urahara’s fucked up way of showing his affection…and slightly obsessive nature.

“Step away from the redhead with your hands up!”

Ichigo jumped and spun around towards his window, mouth dropping to the ground as Kisuke came bounding into the room with Benihime at the ready. In his other hand was a small flashing light, beeping obnoxiously each time that Ichigo would shift his body or take a step in any direction. He should have known it would be something like this. He really should have.

“Are you all right?” Kisuke cooed, rushing forward and wrapping his arms around Ichigo’s body, brushing their cheeks together gently before casting his glance around the room. “My Protective Seme alarm ™ went off back at the Shoten and I got here as fast as I could! Did someone try to rape you? Are you okay? Why are you half naked? I’ll kill them if they touched you!”

“I…,” Ichigo stammered out, licking his bottom lip as he watched his boyfriend do a complete room check of his bedroom. Under the bed, in the closet, under the desk, in the trashcan, under the mattress, in his backpack, behind the television, before finally coming back and sealing their lips together, steering Ichigo firmly towards the sheets. Delicious. Kisuke was an absolute expert kisser, leaving no part of Ichigo’s mouth unexplored, ripping away every bit of conscious thought and leaving him a quivering mass of desire.

But…wait…he’d been angry about something…what was it?

Kisuke’s tongue was trailing down his abdomen before Ichigo finally remembered, digging his fingers into the blonde’s hair and dragging him up to eye level with an annoyed grunt.

“What the fuck?” Ichigo growled. “Of course I’m not okay! I couldn’t get these damn high tech underwear you gave me off!”

Urahara at least had the decency to blush slightly, glancing away before gazing down with a sheepish look on his face. “Um…yes. Those. Well, I…I didn’t want anyone to touch you! You’re so gorgeous that you could be assaulted at any time! I have to be ready as your responsible seme.”

“You are an idiot,” Ichigo said, finding it hard not to laugh. “Do you realize that? I couldn’t get them off to change!”

“Well, that’s the best part of the design!” Urahara rolled the two of them over, tugging the underwear easily down over Ichigo’s hips and eventually off his body completely. When Ichigo was naked on top of him Kisuke grinned, licking a clean line across Ichigo’s lips, leaving him slightly shivering. “I’m the only one who can take them off…so any time you want to change them, I’ll be around to supervise.”

“So,” Ichigo began, biting down on Urahara’s bottom lip before latching onto the side of his neck. “What you’re saying is this was all an elaborate way to see me naked on a daily basis?” Instantly the older man’s arms wrapped around his body in return, hands massaging Ichigo's ass before slowly pulling the cheeks apart to let his index finger tease across the opening.

“Pretty much,” Kisuke finally admitted, rolling them over once again to urge Ichigo’s thighs wide and make room for himself.



“All you had to do was ask.”

“Now where’s the fun in that?!”

I can so see Ichigo's face during the VAST majority of this fic. Hope you guys get as much of a kick out of this as I did.


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